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Its most prominent feature was the three-foot cross that sat atop it. Betty began to hyperventilate. ‘What…what are you on about?’ she asked Eugenia. ‘I found that layin’ around near a morgue a few months ago. Thought it looked pretty.’ ‘You…must be joking.’ ‘Not joking at all. Anyway, I figure every fit bird needs a perch. So that’s going to be yours until lunch time,’ Eugenia said. ‘I-I don’t understand.’ Eugenia dropped the tin can on the ground and punted it across the grass over to Betty. She then reached into a sleeve-pouch and pulled out a can opener, tossing it at Betty’s feet. ‘It’s simple. See, that’s your very first can of cooking grease. It’s for your bum, of course. Should last you a few days down at the Easy Hole. It’s good to start smaller they say, and the tip o’ that stone cross is a mite less thick than your can. So we’re going to start you sittin’ on that, and then after lunch…’ ‘What?! No! Absolutely not!’ Betty yelled, her fingers desperately pawing at the mess. She again tried to let me off the hook by explaining that I didn’t have to do this and that she really appreciated the dinner offer but she’d be okay. I told her that I wanted to take her to dinner and it was true. When we got to the car I asked if she wanted to drop her car off at home first, and she demurely explained that she took a bus every day. I was once more in awe of this woman as I asked if she knew how to drive. She said yes but had no car because she’d been saving her money for whenever she could afford a nicer place to live. I threw her my car keys and asked if she’d drive. She was puzzled but took them and opened the passengers door for me… she was a true lady. When she was behind the wheel I bent over and helped her pull the seat up because I’m over six feet and even though she’s large, she wasn’t that close to the pedals. My head was almost in her lap when I reached under her leg for the lever. Three times today I’d been close to her and each time she’d excited me. I.
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